AUTHOR: Scott G DATE: 1:17:00 AM ----- BODY: Well.. this is my first entry into this blog. I'm not too familiar with the process, but once I get into it I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm afraid I won't have profound things to say on here, I don't lead a very profound life. I'm just a simple guy who lives day to day like most people. Right now I'm not really sure how I'm feeling. The day started off pretty lousy, I woke up feeling really sick. I went in to work and when I got out at 9 PM I felt better. I got home and used this thing I call a computer for a while. I'm sure I would be spending time with my fiancee Deb, but I'm not so sure about her tonight. She's very weird in some ways. One day she'll be fine, the most mature person in the world. The next day it'll hit me like a slap in the face. What you ask? I'm not even sure what it is. Her mood? Like tonight for example: I'm at the comp and she's bugging me so my attention goes towards her and we start wrestling/playing with each other. All of a sudden, through nothing I did or said, she crouches on the floor and covers her face. I try relentlessly to ask what's wrong, getting no answer. I give her some space and try again to ask what's wrong, still no answer. I try a few careful statements about how she needs to tell me what's wrong, otherwise I'll never know. After all that I go in the other room (not a lot of choices for rooms in this apartment) and leave her be. She gets on the bed and covers over her head. I talk to her, make her laugh occasionally, but whatever's bothering her still is. I come into the bedroom/computer room to use the computer because at this point the tv is not amusing me and I need a distraction to take my mind off the situation I can't help. While using the computer she's in bed behind me covered over head with a pillow over her head as well. I continue to try to see what her problem is, to no avail. After a while of this she gets sick of me and goes into the living room, shutting the door between us and turning the lights off in that area. She's set on sleeping on the couch and I'm done trying tonight. I think that if it's attention she craves, I tried my best to give her what I could. I wasn't ignoring her, but rather she was ignoring me. I'm an emotional person, I'll dwell on this for days silently. I have no clue what happened, but I know in my heart I did nothing wrong. The way these things usually go is that tomorrow she'll act like nothing ever happened, never telling me why. I'll still wonder, and I'll even try to ask, but nothing ever comes from a next day attempt. My usual response is to just play along and act like nothing happened too, because I won't ever know otherwise. Being the emotional sap that I am, I can categorize all of this in my mind. What it boils down to is emotional abuse. She doesn't realize that she does it, but she does do this to me. I don't hit her, yell at her, call her names, or try to tell her what to do. If anyone has an "upper hand" in this relationship, it is her. I'm very passive and forgiving. There have been times when I tried to get her to apologize for mistreatment towards me, for hurting me. I'm a guy so I'm not supposed to feel emotionally hurt, but I do. All the time. I wish I could get some resolution of this with her, but it's like talking to the wall. I talk talk talk to her and get nothing in response. I must say though, that this blog does help. I feel things and right away I can go log what I feel so I can get it out. I'm all typed out, I'll put more in here when it comes, and it will... --------