AUTHOR: Scott G DATE: 7:22:00 PM ----- BODY:

Part One: Seeking happiness..

A lot of ideas have been running through my mind lately. They range from staying here, going to Florida, or even going to Maryland. Long before Alexandra came into our lives we were seeking happiness and the right situation. Our travels took us from that cozy little one bedroom in Chicopee, to the overpriced two bedroom in Agawam, to the bad job and defective apartment in Orange Park, FL, and finally to my Mom's house. I love my Mom, but we're not really happy here. We feel that we can do better and we're trying to figure out how. After years of living on our own we want that again. In this journal I go on rants and write about every whim I have. If I feel like moving to Colorado one day I'll write it here. That doesn't mean I'm moving to Colorado (just an example). It means that's how I'm feeling at that very moment. The truth is that I don't care where I live, just as long as it's the right situation. We're a young married couple trying to juggle jobs and a baby. The reality is that my job alone won't pay the bills, but my job won't let me work certain defined hours so Deb can work part time when I'm home. I have no idea when I'll be home and you can't schedule a job around that. Here in MA we live in this house and Deb stays home. We don't have a lot of space and what is here is very cold in the winter. Alexandra is starting to want to crawl, but there isn't anywhere here for her to do that. My Mom has her own life going on and isn't able to babysit so Deb can work. I don't mind winter at all, but I wouldn't mind leaving it either. This was a good temporary solution, but we need a good permanent situation. In the six months I lived down in FL I didn't mind it (wasn't there for summer) but I got into the wrong job and we moved into the wrong apartment. The job was telemarketing (not originally) and the apartment had a lot of problems. Deb was sick half the time and her best friend was hurt a lot of that time as well. Things just weren't as they should've been so I hold out hope that it would be different if we went back. The summer would still be oppressive, but like heat in the winter we'd have AC down there. It has dawned on me that Deb's Mom has things to do and wouldn't be able to babysit either so I don't know what we'll do. The idea to move to Maryland seems good, but there are even issues there. It would be a situation where my Brother and I help each other out. His wife is getting her college degree and would love to hit the workforce, but they have three kids. One of them is a baby and if we were there Deb could help watch the baby while Chasity (my Brother's wife) worked. In exchange my Brother would do his best to help us get settled and Chasity would watch Alexandra while Deb worked. The problem with that is that Deb would be watching two babies 8+ hours a day and then working afterwards. It's tough enough with one and after talking she realizes this scenario would be difficult for her. I honestly don't blame her. I just don't know what we'll do, but we have to figure something out... --------